Wormwood Exposed: The lies we believe and the truth behind them

Lie of the week: I am a terrible parent
Like most really destructive lies, this one is easy to believe because just beneath the surface is a little kernel of truth. In this case the truth is: I am not a perfect parent. Making the leap from I’m not a perfect parent to I’m a terrible parent may not seem huge but choosing to believe one as opposed to the other can actually mean the difference between becoming a better parent and never changing at all.

This is because the little voice in my head that tells me I’m a terrible parent is not just a thought by itself. Thoughts are always accompanied by feelings, images and associations, some of which can leave us devastated and paralyzed.

I am a terrible parent is not just an isolated thought which randomly pops into my head. It’s a thought which is always connected to defeating feelings of self-pity, despair, depression and even self-hatred. It’s a thought which can seem so horribly final because it tries to define me. It’s a thought which wants me to resign myself to the sad but inevitable truth that ’a terrible parent’ is just who I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. All the images of my ‘terrible’ parenting come flooding into my mind as reinforcement of my hopeless position and I’m left feeling like I have no case to argue and I must simply accept this pronouncement as absolute truth.

If I want to become a better parent, I need to recognize this voice as a lie while still embracing the truth behind it.

Accepting that I am not a perfect parent, that I am a parent who needs to be transformed into something which right now I can only aspire to, is a genuine recognition of my limitations. But it is also an affirmation of possibility because it admits that I need help.

If I’m willing to make the choice to ask for help then I’ve stepped into the realm where learning and growth can occur and transformation is a real possibility. Although I’m not a perfect parent, I can, with God’s help, begin to learn, grow and change.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
James 1:5 The Bible

Good, Better, Best…, Which kind of parent are you?

Good parents are always responsible. They make sure their kids are dressed warmly when it’s cold out. They are obsessed with safety and always check to see that the seat belts and the bike helmet are fastened securely. They spend extra time teaching their children to look both ways, to not talk to strangers, to chew food slowly so no one chokes. They pay attention to their kids and take an interest in their lives.

They understand the value of opportunity and want their kids to take advantage of as many opportunities as possible. Involvement in sports, music, dance are seen as invaluable exposure and hopefully a way to gauge areas of strength and weakness.

Good parents want their kids to perform well and will go to great lengths to provide extra assistance in the development of a particular skill because they want their kids to feel good about themselves. Developing their child’s self-esteem is probably somewhere near the top of their list of priorities. They really go out of their way to do a lot more than the bare minimum.

Good parents also see the value of education. If there is anywhere they want their kids to perform, it’s in the classroom. They support teachers efforts and encourage their children to work hard at school. They also check to make sure homework is being done and are more than happy to help with school projects or act as tutors to their kids when necessary.

Above all, good parents want their children to be happy and successful. Making the most of opportunities, working hard in school and performing well are seen as the necessary ingredients to achieve this happiness and success.

Better parents are similar to good parents, but a little more focused on character development. They aren’t worried as much about their child’s athletic or scholastic achievements as they are about the sort of person their child is becoming. Qualities like generosity, kindness, compassion, helpfulness and respect mean a lot more than a first place trophy in soccer.

Better parents spend more time talking to their kids and looking for opportunities to teach and instill these qualities. This means that other opportunities, though they might be good, don’t take precedence. These parents might choose to allow only one extra-curricular activity instead of three or four. This is because they understand the importance of time spent together as a family and the opportunities for teaching and guiding their children that can only occur when they are together. Better parents will say no to good things to protect their time together with their children.

Although they understand the value of formal education, they see their own role as parent/teacher as equally valuable, if not more important. Excessive demands placed on their kids in terms of homework or other school involvement can be frustrating. Better parents want to prepare their children to give something to the world, not just to maximize on their ability to take what they can for themselves, and they know this takes time.

Best parents have one primary goal and that is to lead their children on a journey toward God.

They understand that it’s only in relationship with God that ultimate happiness, contentment, meaning and purpose can exist. And they want this for their children.
They know through their own experience, or intuitively, that everything which makes life worth living, every bit of peace, joy, and love, every surprise, every celebration, every adventure, every discovery, every success originates and finds it’s expression in God. These parents have a purpose, a mission really, to introduce their children to God and the possibility of actually having a relationship with Him.
Everything they do, is a means to that end.

Best parents also understand that they themselves are children, that God is their father and that they are on their own journey towards God. They are leading their children, but still walking the path together.

Best parents are often thinking outside of the box. They feel free to be imaginative and creative because they have a strong sense of possibility as they anticipate God’s involvement in their lives and in the lives of their children.

Health Awareness: The Most Important Nutrient is Free

Did you know that the most important nutrient your body will ever need is oxygen? You can live approximately 30 days or more without food, four or five days without water, two or three days without sleep, but only three minutes without oxygen.

Most of us don’t think much about breathing. It’s an activity that we know is necessary and since it’s automatic, we assume that it more or less takes care of itself. The average person takes about 20,000 breaths per/day and usually accomplishes this with no conscious effort. With this in mind, you might be surprised to learn that the way you breathe can have a huge impact on your health and happiness.

The main function of breathing is to oxygenate each and every cell in your body. This means everything from brain cells to muscle and skeletal cells to the cells which make up all your organs and glands. The problem is that most of us are shallow breathers and don’t take in adequate oxygen to maintain healthy cell function. Inadequate levels of blood oxygen increase your risk of health problems or disease.

The benefits of deep breathing are many from stimulating organ and gland function to more effective elimination of toxins from the body to increased fitness and mental clarity. Alternative health guru Dr. Andrew Weil says,

“If I had to limit my advice on healthier living to just one tip, it would be simply to learn how to breathe correctly.”

Many of us are familiar with the idea of deep breathing for relaxation and stress management. Taking a series of deep breaths will increase the amount of oxygen in the blood causing the body to release endorphins. These are naturally occurring hormones which re-vitalize stressed cells and promote a state of relaxation. In addition to taking in more oxygen with each breath, deep breathing will also release greater amounts of carbon dioxide with each exhalation.

Dennis Lewis, a leading expert on breathing talks about the impact of deep breathing on our health,

“ Deep breathing can have a powerful influence on our health. To understand how this is possible, we need to remember that the diaphragm is attached all around the lower ribcage and has strands going down to the lumbar vertebrae. When our breathing is full and deep, the diaphragm moves through its entire range downward to massage the liver, stomach, and other organs and tissues below it, and upward to massage the heart. When our breathing is full and deep, the belly, lower ribcage, and lower back all expand on inhalation, thus drawing the diaphragm down deeper into the abdomen, and retract on exhalation, allowing the diaphragm to move fully upward toward the heart. In deep, abdominal breathing, the downward and upward movements of the diaphragm, combined with the outward and inward movements of the belly, ribcage, and lower back, help to massage and detoxify our inner organs, promote blood flow and peristalsis, and pump the lymph more efficiently through our lymphatic system. The lymphatic system, which is an important part of our immune system, has no pump other than muscular movements, including the movements of breathing.”

Are You Deep Or Shallow?
So how do you actually do it? Are you a shallow breather or a deep breather? Here’s a simple test. Place your hand on your lower abdomen and exhale. Now, take a deep breath. If you feel your abdomen expand as you begin your deep breath, you’ve probably got the right idea. If your chest expands and your shoulders lift without much movement in your abdomen, then you need to learn some simple deep breathing techniques.

If you’re a shallow breather, and most of us are, it may seem like a lot of effort to try and make the shift to being a deep breather. What are you supposed to do, walk around hyper-ventilating all day? Absolutely not! The great thing about deep breathing is that it doesn’t require a lot of effort to begin experiencing the benefits. Rather than trying to deep breathe for a certain amount of time each day, just take 10 deep breaths at a time. Do this periodically throughout the day and as you become more comfortable with it, you can increase the number of breaths and the frequency of your deep breathing sessions.

Here’s how you do it. Breathe in through your nose, allowing the air to expand your abdomen and rise up through your chest cavity. At first, you will actually have to physically push your abdomen out as you begin breathing in, then expand your lower chest and finally expand your upper chest. It may help to place your hand on your lower abdomen so you can feel it pushing out as you begin to inhale.

Our tendency is to do this in exactly the opposite way by sucking our stomach in and immediately expanding our upper chest and lifting our shoulders. After inhaling, exhale naturally through the nose or mouth. This exhalation should not be controlled in any way. Just simply let your breath go. The idea is to completely relax during exhalation.

Take It To The Next Level
Once you feel comfortable with this basic deep breathing technique, you may want to increase the benefits of deep breathing by combining it with exercise. If this interests you, go to www.deepsloweasy.com and click on ‘athletic stretches and exercises’ for suggestions on how to breathe as you work out.

At first, you will have to focus on the actual breathing in order to learn the technique. But once this becomes second nature, you can use your deep breathing sessions as times of worship, prayer or meditation. The effect of deep breathing is to relax, to calm, to quiet, to still. The idea of ‘quiet times’ or being still before God in an attitude of waiting, listening or worship is one that was frequently practiced by Christ Himself. Because we live in a culture of constant noise, busyness and stimulus where quietness is rare, even a few moments of stillness here and there, listening for God’s voice or offering praise to God for some good thing in your life can make a huge difference.

Begin teaching deep breathing to your kids. Use this as an opportunity to instill a habit which will not only be physically beneficial but which will also help them develop an awareness of God’s presence in their lives.